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I have been praying a lot about how my spiritual quest doesn’t have to make my life feel sterile or isolated because sometimes that’s what people think. Sometimes that’s what I’ve felt. But here’s what I’ve been learning: if God is really good-and Soul itself-then my spiritual quest has to be good and soulful, too. Understanding my innate spirituality makes life more colorful and enriched.
I have to admit that it doesn’t always feel that way, though. I was talking with a close friend the other day and she confided in me that she had lost her virginity. I was awash with different emotions. I felt like I was the last virgin in the world, taking a stand for a moot cause. I felt disappointed that on a certain level we couldn’t relate because I hadn’t had that life experience yet.
Moments of self-doubt like that cause me to go to the core of my deepest thoughts and concerns. So as I thought more about our conversation, I asked myself lots of questions like, “Why am I choosing not to be sexually involved with someone prior to being married? Are those someone else’s values artificially imposed on me? Am I afraid of something like getting pregnant? Am I just being too prudish? Does that make my friend less pure because she’s no longer a virgin? Am I being judgmental of others who are sexually active?”
The more I mulled these questions over, the more I knew that the only answers and peace that I could find were in humble, quiet prayer. Christian Science has an amazing way of focusing the situation and bringing it all back to square one.
It occurred to me that it’s all about God and each of us individually, not a well-intentioned human being making constructive-or even disappointing-life decisions. Committing our hearts and actions to respect the All-in-all, God, opens up new possibilities. It is freedom, not confinement.
What did this mean as I thought about just how important my stand on virginity really was to me? Well, Mary Baker Eddy wrote in Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures, “Take possession of your body, and govern its feeling and action. Rise in the strength of Spirit to resist all that is unlike good. God has made man capable of this, and nothing can vitiate the ability and power divinely bestowed on man.”
At no point are we, as spiritual ideas, victims or servants to our bodies. And living in line with this feels good. Man-men and women-is not at the mercy of sexual impulses. With a divine origin, we connect with one another from the basis that we are spiritual. The common denominator is God.
That’s when I began asking myself, “What’s at the heart of virginity?” It makes sense that virginity is about purity, but it’s not just physical purity, it’s mental purity, as well. This clarity or pure thoughts allow me to keep my focus more squarely on God.
And that’s really important to me these days. I have seen different romantic love interests come and go in my life. But the most pure and constant interest I’ve had is to be a spiritual healer or a Christian Science practitioner. And I’ve seen that the commitment to share God’s love with other people by praying for them requires a mental fitness. I have to say that instead of feeling hampered by these demands, I have felt strengthened and enriched.
Does this mean that I look down at my friends who’ve made different decisions? No, because we’re all just trying to figure out what decisions best support us individually. And I’m committed to loving my neighbor and being a good friend-and no one needs a critical friend. Besides, if virginity or purity is a spiritual idea, we are never disqualified from embracing it.
So this is where I am today. I know that as I continue to think and pray, I will get to know Love in more expansive and thrilling ways.
by Ginger Mack
Anonymous Says:
What a lovely and wise blog
jazzrascal Says:
Hi Ginger, how wonderful. This is good healing advice to everyone, both male and female, and even married people, because it’s always right to know that we’re spiritual, and therefore not slaves to our bodies.
Anonymous Says:
Thanks for your blog, Ginger! I really enjoyed the wise ideas you shared. As someone who made what I consider a mistake by losing virginity before marriage, I’ve found it very healing and redeeming to understand that I am always a virgin. Man–men and women–as created by God, is always pure. And ultimately, God is the only creator. Human sexuality has no place in spiritual reality. So, no matter what we’ve done, we’re all virgins, all pure children of God. I found complete healing from both the sin and the guilt associated with it when I realized that was never who I was. The more I clinged to my spiritual identity, the quicker the guilt vanished from my experience and I wasn’t tempted to make the same mistake again. With this spiritual view of myself, it’s as if that mistake never happened, and I’m not carrying around a burden or sense of guilt. It’s great and better if we keep our virginity until marriage, but if we’ve made that mistake, we’re not necessarily counted out. We’ve given ourselves more work towards healing, but full redemption is possible–when we embrace the spiritual concept of virginity as our own, as you wrote, and live according to our spiritual identity as children of God.
Anonymous Says:
I like this blog a lot because it’s not judgmental. Thanks for talking about this subject like this.
Jada Says:
Great blog! I think purity is a mental quality that lends to feeling calm, peaceful, free from concern, comfortable, happy, wholesome, unruffled. We all want to feel pure and perfect!
Anonymous Says:
Thanks for being daring enough to write about something so personal. What do you think about the people who don’t think that having sex before marriage takes away their purity?
Ginger Says:
In responding to #6’s question, “What do you think about the people who don’t think that having sex before marriage takes away their purity?”
With these bigger issues, the only way I know how to get clear on a situation is to go back to God in prayer.
Each friend might need something different, but when we take our lead from God then it is effective- not just a packaged response.
I understand through my study of Christian Science that God is good. God is creative and speaks in ways that I (we) can understand- like a brief text message or a soundbyte.
My prayer often is What does God know? See? Feel? If I am one with God and so is my friend, then no one is left out.
My grandma had this sweet little prayer that gets to the heart of this whole thing- “There’s no me (ego) to do right or me (ego) to do wrong, just God and his faultless idea. The issue is not really sex, rather the belief that we are mortals making right and wrong choices.
In this space when I find myself humbling asking for God’s guidance about what I should say to a friend, I get real answers.
Jada Says:
I was thinking about this blog again tonight, and the word that came to me that I think applies pretty well to this is – nobility.
Here are a few definitions from the dictionary for this word:
* of an exalted moral or mental character or excellence; lofty: a noble thought.
* admirable in dignity of conception, manner of expression, execution, or composition: a noble poem.
* very impressive or imposing in appearance; stately; magnificent: a noble monument.
* of an admirably high quality; notably superior; excellent.
This might seem like an old-fashioned word, or concept, but is it really old-fashioned? Is it not something that could be really valuable for us to continue to be nobel, for our own sense of self-worth, and for how we make an impact on the world around us? This might seem like something too lofty, but it actually should come natural to us as expressions of God.
seepferdchen Says:
In responding to #6’s question, “What do you think about the people who don’t think that having sex before marriage takes away their purity?”
These people have it more easy – they don`t have a guilty conscience.
And they are right, because purity is a spiritual quality and it cannot be destroyed and be taken away.
In responding to # 3`s question, “It’s great and better if we keep our virginity until marriage, but if we’ve made that mistake, we’re not necessarily counted out. We’ve given ourselves more work towards healing, but full redemption is possible.”
What does God know about “sex” before or after marriage? I think it is okay to wait, but is it really a mistake to do it before you are married? I would not make a God out of this topic – What is, what was my motive to do it? Is it – was it love?
Perhaps I do not do it, because I am only afraid to be “punished”?
All the best to all of you,…
Emily K Says:
Ginger…..
I really love how you have shared your experience. it is so good to read something like that in the world today. i feel reenergized. thank again.
Anonymous Says:
Hi seepferchen –
I wouldn’t make a god out of not having sex, either, but from personal experience, I’ve stayed in relationships longer than warranted because I’d had sex. Maybe everyone doesn’t do that, but I have enough friends who have so I’d think long and hard about having sex in a relationship that wasn’t for sure long-term. And some of those relationships really weren’t that solid, but somehow the sex made them seem like they were more than they were.
In my life, I don’t know that it was wrong not to wait despite what I wrote above. I didn’t feel like my whole life was derailed just because of sex. But I don’t think it would’ve taken away a lot if I waited, either.
Anonymous Says:
In response to these comments below from post #9:
“What do you think about the people who don’t think that having sex before marriage takes away their purity?” These people have it more easy – they don`t have a guilty conscience. And they are right, because purity is a spiritual quality and it cannot be destroyed and be taken away.
……………………………………………………………………………………………………..
I would argue this, as someone who has seen both sides of the coin on this issue and has felt like I’ve had to do a lot of work to get back to feeling as clear about myself as I did before. Why would you seperate yourself from spirituality by saying, “Well, I can do whatever I want… because everything is spiritual.” That’s not really true — not every thought is spiritual. We have to work towards having a spiritual mindset, because there’s a lot of things in our thinkng that are the total opposite of Spirit. If we want to become more spiritual and experience the benefits of growing in that direction, we have to learn to seperate spiritual and material-based notions. And sex is more of the carnal/mortal mentality than it is spiriitual.
Anonymous Says:
I agree with you. You can’t just do whatever you want and expect to progress spiritually, expect to heal with efficiency and consistency…….
Anonymous Says:
Hi seepferdchen,
I’m poster #3, and I thought I should respond. I agree that God knows nothing about sex, either before or after marriage. That is precisely the reason why I want to wait until marriage. As far as I understand it, the institution of marriage exists for very good moral reasons–to support mankind’s progress, and to maintain civility in society. I want a strong foundation of spiritual affection–a foundation that will last a lifetime–before I commit sexually–that’s when sex becomes a much smaller thing, something within the framework of a greater and more lasting intimacy that supports progress. To me, to have sex before marriage is a sin–and by sin I mean something that suggests our separation from God. You said that God knows nothing about it. Do I then want to be involved in something that God knows nothing about, thus separating myself from my all-good and all-loving Father-Mother? I know I don’t! Within the context of marriage, it’s a much smaller thing than outside of marriage, and within marriage is where it belongs humanly.
When I did have sex, it was out of love, and I thought the relationship would last. But we weren’t married, and it didn’t last. And even if it had lasted, I would’ve wanted to put a stop to sex until we were ready for marriage. I wasn’t afraid of punishment, and that’s not why I didn’t do it and don’t do it now. The act itself was its own punishment, because the act itself made me feel further away from God, Love. I’m waiting because this is what gives me the greatest sense of freedom. It’s what lets me continue to live a truly spiritual life, to pursue and FEEL a relationship with God, which has always given me the greatest happiness.
Patty Says:
Wow you’re brave to come out and say what you did. I think the person you end up with is going to be really lucky. You obviously have a lot of character.
seepferdchen Says:
Hi everybody – thanks very much for your notes –
first I try to answer to poster # 12 and # 13: “I can do whatever I want”
For a long time exactly this was a problem for me, too –
– I often felt burdened, sad, unhappy, because I thought, I am not good enough, I have failed, I have to be more spiritual, I am not allowed to do this and that, ….I sometimes had a bad and guilty conscience.
I had health problems – . A practioner helped me very much. And I studied S&H. I had “my” healing – it took a long time, but it was permanent and I learned a lot, really a lot
And for me the main thing was to accept and to live, that I am the child of God, His beloved idea – and not this mortal being, a sinner, alone, apart from God (this is not me).
The important question was and always is: from which point of view, from which perspective do I look at myself? Do I look from a spiritual or a materialistic, mortal view?
Who am I really?
Do I see myself (and the other) as spiritual idea of God – do I really always acknowledge this fact, this truth?
The truth is: I am, you are spiritual, because God is spiritual – therefore I – you can – act on this truth. That is our fundament.
And IF you know and understand WHO you are – .
you can do whatever you want.
Because:
if you know, understand and feel, that God is your Father – Mother, you will not do any things contrary to him.
If you really love God, the Good, you are kind – to yourself and to others, you express Him/Her in loving qualities.
You are not a mortal who wants to become spiritual. You are spiritual, now. And in your thinking is only what God thinks of you, because you are His expression. There is only one Mind. And Mind is spiritual.
That is true.
From this basis I live and work and pray. I learn to understand better & better, that divine Mind is my only mind.
But you are right, often thoughts are coming, saying things like “you are sick, you are not intelligent, worthless, sinful…. ” For me it is important that these thoughts are not MY thoughts, they only pretend to be my thoughts or my thinking.
And if “we” accept these thoughts as ours, “we” identify with them. “We” feel miserable, “we” suffer.
But we do not have to accept these thoughts – because we know, WHO we are and that we are linked to God – and this connection is indestructible.
And this understanding heals -
Poster #3 I try to answer a bit later -
) (yes, I know: I am always young 
) – but in former times there was not a “TMCyouth.com” and I had a lot of questions and they bothered me a lot – therefore: please ask – 
please ask, if there are any questions – when I was young (
Benoit Says:
Hi Ginger, great Blog and great comments also. I am one of those “endangered” species, who decided not to have sex before marriage. I might not have really understood the deep “why” at that time however I am glad I chose to. I saw it as a protection for me and others involved, also keeping a certain purity of the relationship. The relationship must first have a good spiritual foundation which will then express itself eventually in a sexual relationship. For my wife (who shared the same values) and I this proved to be a very strong bond for our current family.
Jada Says:
Hi Seepferdchen,
It’s great that you are on this site! I was the one who posted #12, and just wanted to say, that I wasn’t being critical of your ideas… and it’s cool that you explained your thoughts further.
Obviously Ginger has brought up an extremely relevant topic! While virginity has certain connotations that may not be applicable to everyone, the word chastity is applicable to everyone.
A dictionary definition of chastity:
1. abstaining from sexual relations
2. morality with respect to sexual relations
From Science and Health, pg. 534:
‘Paul says in his epistle to the Romans: “The carnal mind is enmity against God; for it is not subject to the law of God, neither indeed can be. So then they that are in the flesh cannot please God.”
Also from Science and Health, pg. 552:
“Mortals must emerge from this notion of material life as all-in-all. They must peck open their shells with Christian Science, and look outward and upward. But thought, loosened from a material basis but not yet instructed by Science, may become wild with freedom and so be self-contradictory.”
I think as we are studying Christian Science — whether we start studying it when we are kids or fully grown adults — it’s comparable to how cement sets, as to how we digest it. If you’ve ever poured cement or seened it poured, you probably know that it’s a chemical process that allows it to harden. When I was 16, my dad poured me a cement basketball court for my birthday. That was a dream come true gift for me at that time, considering how much I loved basketball. There’s a lot of work that goes into a project like that. You kind of have to dig out a place in the ground first where you want the court to be. Then you have to bring in sand, and then compact the sand, maybe lay some reinforcement material (usally some sort of metal grid), and then frame in the actual area where you will pour the cement. Once you pour the cement, you have to make sure it’s all level and float and trowel it off, and maybe give it some texture on top too by taking a push-broom over it. Even once it’s all poured and all that work is done, you have to wait a day or so for it to completely harden, before you can walk on it.
I bring this up as an anology, becuase it’s similar to how we might think about the opposite sex. Maybe we are always somewhat curious about the opposite sex, I know I was, even as a kid. And then, as a teenager, you want to start spending more time with them. And that’s a good thing, because there’s a lot of good that can come of that. And then there’s this whole other side of socialization that you might hear about from other people but you don’t really know about — called “sex.” This is something that really is completely seperate from why people like to be around other people and develop friendships, but in the minds of some people sex has probably become a false god. Which is why it’s probably so out in open these days, and people are “wearing it on their sleeves.”
Like with the cement basketball court — which still works great some 15 or so years later! — I wouldn’t have wanted to go out and start playing on it at any time while the cement was still setting. It would have totally mucked up the court. Well, it’s the same way with relationshps. We can have great relationships with others if we respect each other morally. But if we go into areas that require a studier foundation, before that foundation has been settled, we’re probably going to muck those relationships up! At least that’s been my experience! There’s really no time limit on how long it takes us to get solid on certain things in life, but I know as I’ve been growing up, it’s only been in the last couple years that I’ve come to value chastity in a deeper way, and realized how important it can be in how we relate with virtually everyone that comes into our experience. People can sense your moral stablity, and it allows you to have more real relationships — not just dating relationships — with those that you interact with.
seepferdchen Says:
to Ginger # 7
There’s no me (ego) to do right or me (ego) to do wrong, just God and his faultless idea. The issue is not really sex, rather the belief that we are mortals making right and wrong choices.
This little prayer is so wonderful and true!!!! Thank you so much for sharing!
Seepferdchen
Anonymous Says:
This is a great discussion. Love the article. Love the comments.
seepferdchen Says:
Hi everybody, especially poster #3.
I want to tell you something about a good friend of mine:
When she was 18 – she thought something like you “sex before marriage is a sin” – and when she had a friend, she always thought “help – no sex,..” because she was afraid, she could be punished and become ill or something like that.
It was such an absolute nonsense – but at that time she was very afraid. She enjoyed it to have a friend, she loved him and she wanted herself and her friend to be happy. But concerning “sex” she put the bite on her(she was under strain) – she wanted to please everybody – her friend and herself ( her belief, of which she thought it would be a Christian Science thought) -
NOW she knows: there was a misunderstanding: she mistook CS and especially herself and her connection to God.
She hadn`t the heart to talk to a church member or a practitioner about this problem -
Her friend was very understandingly and warm hearted. And they talked about it – a lot. And they had very helpful conversations. He helped her a lot to become free from this fear.
They dated – were together, whenever it was possible – they laughed a lot and enjoyed life – and after a lot of months they made love. A few years later they were married and – and they still are married and they enjoy each other – and they still enjoy making love.
In between, these thoughts (”sex could be a sin”) tried to appear once again to her: “You are a Christian Scientist and you enjoy such things. Is this okay or are you a sinner? Should I stop it?” And now she phoned CS practitioners and they said something like that: “Enjoy it – you also enjoy a good meal,…. The time will come when it is not longer important for us. But please do not have a bad conscience. And think of your husband, too!
”
She was so relieved.
Now making love (sex) is for her a symbol for love, tenderness, confidence, ….
When you have a child, you fondle your child. when you have a pet, you will fondle it,…And you and the child and the pet will enjoy it -
Love is also shown in fondling.
And Love is shown in fondling your husband or wife, too – and when you express this love, you can never be separated from Love.
Your perspective, your motive is essential, important. And Skakespeare said: “There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.”
All the best to all of you -
Seepferdchen
Anonymous Says:
To seepferchen,
I think we have to be careful when we talk about sex on a youth site. What’s manageable for people in their twenties is generally not for teenagers.
Every single one of my friends who had sex as a teen regretted it. And I’m not talking about Christian Scientists who were dealing with morality issues. It’s just too complicated and the implications are too important. There’s nothing wrong with waiting…
Anonymous Says:
This is two part:
1| One I think this Blog is great, and I commend Ginger’s great courage in posting this, as I think every teenager and many 20-somethings are probably thinking the same thing. What a wonderful realization to know we are not validated by sexual activity, but are already loved by Spirit’s eternal and everpresent embrace — an embrace that fulfills, satisfies, inspires and heals! =) YAY!
Thanks, Ginger.
———————-
2| dear Seepferdchen,
I have to say several red flags raised when you said:
“When you have a child, you fondle your child. when you have a pet, you will fondle it, . . . And you and the child and the pet will enjoy it -
Love is also shown in fondling.
And Love is shown in fondling your husband or wife, too – and when you express this love, you can never be separated from Love.”
I have a feeling there is no intention of making any connection of “fondling” as a sexual act between married adults and fondling children or animals. I would just be very clear in your words — as there should be no desire to integrate these different meanings.
Also, I agree with #22. A deep and intimate relationship is far different between married adults and experimental choices. I think we have to know that an “intimate love”, when based in Spirit, morality, and wisdom is so important, and is not “not as managable for teens as it is people in their twenties” especially when it occurrs outside of marriage. However I would say its a tough question throughout everyone’s life. As once people get married or turn 31 it’s not like lust just magically disappears. The overcoming of lust or sin is a great pursuit and is only possible through the help of divine Love.
seepferdchen Says:
Hi,
yes – of course,
it is very okay to wait,… no question!!!
Anonymous Says:
I’m glad you brought that up about the word fondle, #23. It’s a word that has bad connotations for native English speakers when referring to adults and children. I don’t think that seepferdchen was talking about any inappropriate touching, though….
seepferdchen Says:
Hi,
I am very sorry, but I sit here with my dictionary and sorry again, if I used the wrong word.
It is not easy to talk about such a subject – and it is still more difficult to do it in English (for me) – therefore I am sorry.
I do not want any misunderstandings,….therefore thank you # 25!!
Jada Says:
From Science and Health, pg. 28:
“There is too much animal courage in society and not sufficient moral courage.”
Also from Science and Health, pg. 61:
“The formation of mortals must greatly improve to advance mankind. The scientific morale of marriage is spiritual unity. If the propagation of a higher human species is requisite to reach this goal, then its material conditions can only be permitted for the purpose of generating.”
…………………………………………………………………………………………………….
Even if we’re not living up to the moral demands of being a Christian Scientist, or don’t fully understand why Mary Baker Eddy wrote certain instructions to students of Christian Scientists, shouldn’t we take up arguments that promote the ideals of Christian Science?
Why did Mary Baker Eddy make reference to animals in the first quote up top? And why did she devote a whole chapter of her book to something called ANIMAL magnetism?
Maybe to draw attention to the fact that we need to seperate the experience of what appears to be (man as just another mammal on a planet inhabited by all sorts of animals), from the spiritual truth about man. There’s a ton of exciting demonstrations to be made for those who want to learn the spiritual reality of life, and Christian Science isn’t forced on anyone. But if you want to learn it and walk in the direction of dominion and freedom from all error, you kind of have to follow in the footsteps of those who have reached a level of understanding.
If we equate sex with love, does that mean that those who do not have sex are unloving people? No way. Sex is an animal instict and to say that it is “making love” is a very shallow concept of what love is. What’s more loving as a husband to his wife who may have had a challenging day at work — to express spiritual qualities of understanding, intuition, thoughtfulness, which result in calming, disarming and healing words of care? Or equating his love for his wife as something that can only be expressed in physical ways?
We shouldn’t tell each other how to live life, or how to navigate through our current experience. There are a lot of things we will seemingly enjoy at times in life, but if life truly is spiritual, we’re probably benefited way more than we know when we take the time to dwell on spiritual concepts and energize our thinking in that direction.
Anonymous Says:
I think it’s really important to keep sexual activity special — and not to sleep with someone you don’t love and care about deeply — but I guess I don’t see the problem with having a loving sexual relationship with someone I’m not married to. Am I way off base?
David Says:
Hi Ginger,
I would imagine it took some courage to post your thoughts here. You certainly seem like someone who is “wise beyond her apparent years.”
This culture circulates a wide range of values. It is a comforting thought that civilization is presumably trending upward, but there are also plenty of times when we are faced with choices that actually affect whether or not we are “elevating the race.” One way is to learn to spot the false values, the temptations,
the peer pressure that push or lead us away from our innermost sense of right.
I recently read something to the effect that a virgin is someone who truly knows herself which means to me that
she is someone who is fully in touch with that which is intelligent and good in herself..her feeling and her thinking. You seem to have grasped that lesson to a very useful degree.
In learning to love ourselves
and others consider the models
that MBE has given us on p115
of S&H. One can come at life
from a purely spiritual perspective the immortal self
and there is just the original presence of innocence and purity in God’s Man (male&female) who neither marry nor are given in marriage. When you are perfect and complete, what’s the point of that? Alternatively
there seems to be this “other model” where we elevate our
thought and action step by step
degree by degree. In that path
we may see where we want to go but also see that there is a much larger “lattitude for error”
in the path we might take. The purity that we would seem to have to stuggle for in the third degree is actually already ours, but we need to prove it to ourselves and others by shedding those traits of the first degee and maintaining the qualities of the second degree
by prayer, study and persistence….which you also seem to see as needed for your growth. What is really the thrilling part which you have anticipated is discovering the infinite number of ways that man can express God’s love to his fellow man/woman such that your life will never Ever feel sterile again. The very sense of the possibility of sterility should alert you to the opportunity that you are about to discover (if you choose to look for it, seek it) a new way to love and/or be loved…..it is never just a one way expression…though the bible does say that the expected response may suffer some delay in terms of its human expression .
This may not seem particularly romantic, but Paul
actually addressed similar concerns among the newly minted christians who were eunuchs and women who had not born children. He indicated that once they had found life in Christ in the Church they would
have friends, family, and bear fruit beyond their imaginings. He kind of makes it a humorous
remark by stressing how fruitful
the seemingly “unfruitful”– by that society’s standards– would actually become.
What I would like to learn from you is how you have grown in your understanding since making this original post.
What has grown clearer and
more certain? What may have faded or changed? Are you seeing God’s promises fulfilled?
ashley Says:
ginger it is so great that you are talking about this! clear thought on this subject is so needed today.
Nikki Says:
God bless you, Ginger. Keep it simple and consistent. It’s between you and God – what a loving protection of Him that you are letting control you. You are letting the light of Christ shine! Much love
Arturo Says:
I loved your grandma little prayer and your blog, thanks for sharing it!
Wynne Says:
Thanks Ginger for the post. It really matches exactly with my own current thoughts about my relationships and stance. It is great to see I’m not the only one
Thanks.
pinas,gilson Says:
hello…..i was amazed by you because you can fight that kind of challenges.your story was so inspirational…thank you….God Bless….
Nate Says:
Ginger, I love this! Very humbling and honest. And reading the comments by everyone made me want to be a better person. Thanks everybody!
You know, I had a thought. No matter if we’ve had sex or not, we can consider ourselves virgins. Some “virgins” probably feel like they’re a small percentage, but we’re really all virgins.
This is actually something I pray about about a lot. I love the idea of innocence, purity, completeness etc. I claim those qualities for myself and others to get fresh, pure, rejuvenated views of whatever or whoever I’m thinking about. I pray for virgin views. And, I find what gets in the way of seeing this “virginity” is usually sexual or sensual viewpoints. But, you can get rid of these viewpoints – and it doesn’t matter if you’d tried sex or not. Virginizing (I know I made that word up) our minds is what CS is all about. And, I’m in that business, so I suppose I’m a virgin and you can be one too. Total purity.
Katy Says:
I love what you wrote and I totally agree with everything about what real virginity is, and how we must have the moral courage to proclaim that we are something other than our body. My only question though is why marriage? What is it about marriage which changes the entirety of the place for “sexual relations”? If there are two people who are seeking each other, not as opposites, not to fill some void, nor to “get off”, if the love was pure – really pure – if it really was love (in the most radical sense we can know it) then why wouldn’t sex prior to marriage be ok?
I have been thinking about this for sometime and it seems to me that something is missing, marriage is not about sex, but in saying that sex is only for marriage that seems to be the only distinction, and it seems partially arbitrary.
annonymous Says:
I had the exact same experience when I was in college. From 18-21, I could hardly go a month without a friend telling me she had lost her virginity. I, too, felt pretty alone. Then, something funny happened. My best friend, who was a guy, was about to go on a date with a “sure thing.” This girl was practically offended at the idea of not having sex in a relationship, even just a casual date. He told me that I had been the reason he had restrained himself, and that even if we were the last two virgins in the world, we wouldn’t be alone. Less than two years later, we were married.
I never thought ill of my friends who had decided to have sex, that was their business. But, I saw that waiting until marriage was one of the strongest bonds my husband and I shared. It represented a desire to be faithful to each other, to have no others at any time. It was a huge victory to us, and as our marriage continues to grow and now include children, we have found that, for us, there was no better foundation we could have chosen individually or collectively.