Is chastity possible?

chastityHave you ever heard of chastity jewelry?

According to an article by Sasha Riddle called “Pure promise: Rings gain popularity with teens,” a movement began in the 1990s when girls started wearing chastity rings to signify a commitment to abstaining from sex until marriage. Thousands of girls across the United States are wearing the symbols on their left ring finger with the idea that they will remain abstinent until it is replaced with a wedding ring. “On their wedding day they will give their rings to their husband. It is not an end, but a continuation to a life of purity.” Hutton, one of those interviewed is quoted as saying.

It’s an interesting practice I hadn’t heard about.

In an age when surveys claim large numbers of young people are engaging in some type of sexual activity long before they’re ready for marriage, it can be tough for a teen to come out from the crowd and say, “I’m waiting for the right person.” And that’s why this article on a group of teens caught my attention. These girls don’t think abstinence is an out-grown concept. They want a relationship they can trust, and they believe this is the route to that goal.

This isn’t the first time I’ve thought about these ideas. A young woman I knew years ago occasionally slept with her boyfriend and she was confused about whether he loved her or not. She also felt guilty about having intimate relations with him while dating. She didn’t really want to do it, but she did because it was what he wanted. She worried she would lose him if she said no.

She came to me as a Christian Science practitioner to help her sort out these issues. I mentioned to her that she didn’t need to feel guilty about saying no to intercourse until marriage. True love is not dependent upon having sex because love is a spiritual power two people share with each other that transcends any physical hook up. “You want to know if he really loves you for spiritual reasons before committing your whole life to him,” I said.

How will I know if he truly loves me? she asked.

“One way,” I answered, “is to hold off on the sex and see if he still treats you with tenderness, care and affection. If he truly loves you, he’ll wait on the intercourse until you get married.”

“It’s a minimal short term price to pay for a long run benefit. You need to know to the bottom of your heart if he truly loves you at a spiritual level, and not just for your body, because if he’s interested in you primarily for your body, it’s not enough for a good relationship. You don’t want to learn the hard way what his true feelings are for you.”

In this case, the woman opted to stop giving into her boyfriend’s sexual overtures. He got mad and upset. She soon saw an angry side to him she had never seen before, and began to rethink the whole relationship. It became apparent that he had a self-control problem, and she decided they weren’t meant for each other. They eventually parted ways, and she was happier, and maybe even safer, for it.

Now I realize that not all relationships that include a physical component end on a negative note. But in my practice as a spiritual healer, I’ve seen many times when couples break-up miserably with broken hearts and deeply hurt feelings, often because the relationship was based largely on physical attraction rather than deeper spiritual peace and joy.

There are real spiritual benefits to finding true love with another — spiritual love — before allowing the physical senses to overwhelm one’s perspective with the emotional sensations that come along with sex. A long lasting and healthy relationship is based on a foundation that stands the test of time, trial, and temptation.

As many people figure out, love and sex are not the same thing. People can have sex and love the sex, but not love each other. And people can love each other deeply without having sex.

Whether we abstain from sex before marriage or not, we can never be separated from our God-given purity that is permanently embedded into our being. God made each of us spiritual, and keeps us that way forever. No sexual act can touch our heavenly self that is forever ours. But a life of purity, self-control, and wisdom cements positive ways of living into our experience and protects us from going down a path we may later regret.

Chastity is a quality that enables one to feel closer to God and that can seem hard when you’re swept away by the physical sensations of sex. Chastity promotes deep-rooted joy, permanent peace, and self-control while feeling close to the divine. These are qualities which contribute to a healthy and enduring relationship once two people have committed to each other for the long run.

“Chastity is the cement of civilization and progress,” Mary Baker Eddy wrote in Science and Health. Chastity means abstaining from sex for moral and spiritual reasons, and the word “civilization” refers to “a society that has a high level of culture,” according to Encarta.

Don’t most of us aspire to having some degree of “civilization and progress,” morality and culture, in our lives?

I’m married and don’t need to run out to buy a chastity ring, but I do respect the motive and desire of the group of teenagers mentioned above who are striving to sort out what constitutes genuine love and how to live true to their high ideals.

In their lives, abstinence is possible before marriage. It’s something to think about. We can always learn from others and this group of teens has a thought-provoking message to share.

What do you think?

by Evan Mehlenbacher

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