by Keith Wommack
I was in the fourth grade when I first noticed Karen Bell. Well, I suppose that’s when I first noticed that girls existed in general. And I wanted her to notice me, too.
I had no clue how I was going to catch her eye. Then it hit me. I’d write, “Will you go steady with me?” on a piece of paper. I’d chuck it over to her seat, she’d read it, and voila.
I scribbled the note, wadded it up, and let it fly. It went sailing right past her ear. She immediately whirled around, glared at me, shot her arm in the air, and yelled, “Mrs. Griffith, Keith just threw a spit-wad at me!”
That’s when I got the impression that the love stuff was going to be tricky.
When I was thirteen, I began a search for spiritual answers about life, including falling in love and communicating with the opposite sex. One of the books I studied on this search was Science and Health by Mary Baker Eddy. What I learned was rooted in the concept of “reflection,” like the reflection you see in a mirror. A mirror reflects exactly what’s in front of it. From my reading, I got the concept that God is Love and I am Love’s reflection. When I accepted that I reflect Love, I began to feel Love — and I could express it better (at least better than a scribble on a piece of paper!).
More recently, I’ve started to see how this kind of love-showing has impacted my marriage with my wife, Joanne (surprisingly, I didn’t marry Karen!). Seeing myself as a reflection of Love has helped me understand that instead of being fearful or needy or controlling, I can be peaceful, satisfied, and loving. With increasing spiritual poise and confidence, my communications with Joanne have been flavored with joy, understanding, and tenderness.
An example: I noticed that responding promptly to my wife’s requests has made our life together much better. There was a time when I used to grumble if she asked me to do something—“Why now? Doesn’t she know how important what I’m doing is?” But when I try harder to be Love’s reflection, I can see that listening to Joanne and helping her when she needs it, is Love’s way of shining through me. And Love’s way keeps the family peace. Love’s way helps me be a better listener. Love’s way keeps tenderness in the home.
Of course, even this change didn’t happen with the snap of a finger, and I still have more to learn. But, being willing to shift, to be more of Love’s reflection, has been the foundation of the communicating that has made our marriage stronger.
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I think I’m pretty good at expressing love, but I’ve got a series of failed relationships behind me. How can I find something that lasts??????
To Denise,
Try looking at your relations from what God, Love, is.
I’m finding that my relationships with others is actually divine Love expressing its completeness to me in a way I can understand. Love is expressing itself to them as me, so to speak, as well.
Our relationship or unity with divine Love is manifest in everything that we cherish about loving and tender relations with others. We are not mortals trying to get along with others. We are Love’s immortal expression of love. This is why we can expect relationships to last.
I am having mixed feelings about a guy whose a friend. I really care about him and find him attractive but he has a girlfriend. I feel guilty and upset about liking him that way and feeling a stab of envy about the situation. Could you help me? How do you know if you love a person romantically if Jesus told us to love everyone?
To Anonymous,
What Love has in store for you is better than you can try to imagine. Stop worrying about a person so much and let Love lead your thoughts and actions.
A 1948 CS Journal article I like, reveals the true nature of infatuation and love. It states, “Infatuation is binding and often tormenting; love is never anxious or personally possessive, but ever tranquil and liberating. Thoughts of those for whom one may feel an infatuation may be infected with fear and jealousy; thoughts for those whom one truly loves are winged with joy and peace. Infatuation obsesses its victim; love frees everyone upon whom it rests.” (Journal 1948 p. 367)
hi keith..thanks for your lovely note..Not long ago, I was in a relationship with someone and it was special..however, after some months he told me he was confused with someone else..I let him go, as I thought it was the best, however, i still feel sad and regret that it didn’t worked out..from one side, i now understand it wasn’t that deep, spiritually speaking, and maybe god has something more deep prepared for me, but how can I feel free and prepare myself better for fullfilling relationships? thanks..
I’m finding that if I want to totally trust and feel free in a relationship, I need to first totally trust that God is bringing it together and guiding it. God is not uncaring or unwise. The All-wise knows how to reveal His satisfaction as your loving relations.
It is God that fulfills you, not another. However, God’s completeness is revealed to you as an enriching relationship. Turn to God and God shows you His beauty, caring, strength, and grace. When you find this in God, you will begin to see them in His expression – everyone you meet
Hi Keith! Thank you so much for everything you had said. It is so helpful!
I want companionship and would love to find someone to have a great, fun relationship with. How can I work on this spiritually? Thanks!
Would you be attracted to someone who is looking to fill a void or someone who expresses God’s dynamic fullness?
To work on relationships spiritually, we need to discover new and wonderful things about God and how God reveals Himself/Herself in and as our lives. Look to give instead of get. Look to give of what you are learning about divine Love.
I am learning Love is patient and kind, strong and reliable. Should be fun to hear what you are learning.
Why does it seem like some people are lucky in love and others aren’t? I really want a relationship–and I think I have a lot to give, I’m not just looking to get–but nothing ever works out. Is this just my lot in life?
To Jean,
If you want a relationship that works, you will need to stop thinking of yourself as mortal.
I’m finding to the mortal sense of things some have, some have not. So, if I just accept myself to be a mortal, a good relationship is like trying to win the lottery.
However, CS teaches that God is immortal Love and we are God’s immortal expression or idea. We are not subject to this mortal hit or miss theory.
Immortal means always. If we want love to last, we should try to understand what it means to be divine Love’s immortal expression.
You really live where everything good lasts.
Hey, Keith! I really appreciate all of your responses to these inquiries on relationships! I thought I’d share some things that have helped me, too…
anyway, that’s my two cents. thanks for the blog!
I think i recall there’s also a podcast on love and lasting relationships by Ginny Leudemen, which is super helpful for those interested!
I , too, have struggled with wanting to find a steady relationship, but, as you said, you shouldn’t think of it as something “to get”…I think we have to find it in ourselves first…the love that we need…and then we will, or can, find it more easily in others…not necessarily a relationship…but, in yourself, love can be much more satisfying, and its not just something you find in other people, its something you can find in yourself, somthing to express from the awesome divine Love… love which requires giving away…
To EMm,
Thanks for your two cents!
Hi Keith,
Thanks for sharing your story. I was wondering how one can have more patience in a marriage and with family in general. I tend to be critical, judgemental and not very patient lately and was wondering what spiritual approach you might suggest in dealing with family members and those around me. I am having a very difficult time not thinking of myself as a mortal. I really would like to improve in this area and be more loving. I would also like to be able to see things more clearly and even spiritually. Any help you might be able to share would be appreciated. Thanks!
I have learned the hard way that being more God-centered than self-centered brings grace and healing to my thought and relations.
Family is how God reveals His complete love to you. If you reject family, you deny God’s love. It really is not mortals we are moored with in a family. We are tethered together by God’s love. Each family member is a wonderful way which God says “I am here!” Where God has placed us cannot be a burden and can only cause us to grow.
Childlikeness and humility will let God show to our receptive hearts His love expressed as family.
This topic rocks! Thanks for all the great ideas you shared Keith and for everyone’s honest questions.
I’m kind of jealous of my friends because it seems liek they’re all in good relationships and I can’t make one work. I try really hard and I do try to focus on being complete with God. What am I doing wrong? Or maybe I should ask, what could I do better?
To Patty,
Sometimes I’ve had to be patient. I’ve had to spiritually mature enough so that I did not ruin a great relationship God was preparing for me.
Also, when I begin asking myself what I am doing wrong, I’ve found it helpful to turn that around and ask, “What is God doing right?” Once I start thinking of all that God is doing right, my thought becomes more God-centered than self-centered. Then I begin to be grateful for what others have and cherish what God has done for me and is doing.
What if you never married someone that wanted to marry you and now you are haunted bu the stupidity of your mistake.
To Aussia,
Trust God. Either God was protecting you from making a mistake in the first place or God is correcting whatever mistake seems to have been made. Either way, you cannot lose by trusting and leaning on God.
Also, ponder what it means to be God’s immortal idea. You and I are not a mortals who are harassed by thoughts of stupidity and fear, althought it seems we are. You and I are where and how God, Love, is saying, “I love the beauty of My being!” Let’s learn of our true worth as Love self-expression.
As Love’s self-expression, we must feel the satisfied and complete sense of Love. Rejoice that nothing can hide this from you. People do not make you and I happy or sad. We make ourlseves so by thinking of ourself as separate from God, Love.
Love is blessing you each moment. Open your thought to the divine surprise!
What if “time” doesnt make it better, what if you are so sad and time passes and its worse because you realing that you will never ever be together again.
To Erika,
Time is not a healing factor. God’s love is.
Men and women do not complete you, God does. God has never stopped providing you with everything you need to feel complete. It is a false sense of being that deprives us of happiness and a feeling of connectedness.
Don’t start the day with how empty or sad you may feel. As much as you can, start with learning more about the majesty and magnitude of God’s love for you. This love will express itself as tender relations. Keep your thought open to God’s love. Don’t turn away from God’s love by non-stop mortal mumbling.