Chelsea Keven - The Christian Science Sentinel Jan 1, 2007
The summer before my sophomore year in high school, I was at home in California, surrounded by partying friends.
But I felt somewhat lost. When I returned to boarding school in the fall, I was restless and dissatisfied with my life. Not all of my moments were that way, but overall I felt like something was missing, and I wanted to find it.
To fill this void, I turned to alcohol. Drinking is no mere social occasion—it’s a way of life, whether you do it once or many times. One night, I overdid it. After drinking too much, I lost sight of who I was and forgot whom I’d been hanging out with. I was laughing ridiculously. A few friends carried me upstairs and put me in bed, telling me that they loved me. Shortly thereafter, I slipped into unconsciousness. I jolted awake hours later, long after my dorm had reached its hours of perfect stillness. I was on my back and could barely breathe, move, or even open my eyes.
At first, as I turned wholeheartedly to God, I couldn’t recall even a single quote from the Bible or Science and Health—books I was familiar with. Everything seemed irrelevant at that moment. I couldn’t even think about how I wished someone was there to rub my back, and reassure me that everything would be all right—or even how right my parents were in telling me not to drink in the first place. Instead, as I lay almost lifeless on my back, what came to me was something so simple, and yet more potent than almost any other revelation in my life. It was the realization, “I choose Life.” All of a sudden in that moment, I felt an urgency to live deliberately, honestly, and wholeheartedly. I wanted to express activity, joy, strength, and love. And I knew I needed to get up and open my eyes to God’s reality.
As I felt this overwhelming desire to live, I became alert and awake, and my body responded. I was able to stand up, and decided to do laundry. Not the holiest activity, I know, but it was a way of seeing normalcy in my life at that moment. At first this was difficult, though, and I started to feel the drunkenness return.
That’s when the second revelation came. With my eyes closed, lying on the stairs in the hall, I realized there was no way I was going to make it on my own. I needed Truth. I needed Mind. I needed the propulsion of Love to push me forward. In the quiet of the night, God was the only tangible thought in my life. It was a very powerful, tender moment.
Later, a few friends took me to the school’s nursing facility to spend some time resting and praying, but by the time I entered the facility, I knew the drunkenness was gone and that the empty feeling in my life had left me. The dissatisfaction and helplessness had been replaced with a new vigor for life—a spiritual goal for living. Mary Baker Eddy wrote this statement that, to me, really describes my healing:
The sharp experiences of belief in the supposititious life of matter, as well as our disappointments and ceaseless woes, turn us like tired children to the arms of divine Love. Then we begin to learn Life in divine Science” (Science and Health, p. 322)
Yes! I began to learn God was my Life.
There was a lot more for me to learn in the weeks following that evening, but I feel a real healing took place when I was alone, wholeheartedly turning to the truth. Healing for me wasn’t about promising not to drink—it was an elevation of thought that simply didn’t allow me to see my life the same way I had before. Eventually, I was suspended from school for my actions. While I completely agreed with this disciplinary action, I knew my wholehearted turning to God for a renewed sense of life and purpose was what really changed my experience.
Since that time, any desire I had to drink completely left me and I never drank again. I returned to my school, after the suspension, ready to love and be loved by the community. I no longer wished to be elsewhere or to be somebody else. I fell in love with my school, and saw things in people I had never seen before. Above all, I had a new love for Christian Science that led me forward daily. My gratitude overflowed, and as a result my experience was only enriched.
I believe we all have the ability to wake up from circumstances that have clouded our ability to see God and to feel a strong sense of His purpose for us. Each one of us possesses God-given sincerity and love that are too important for us to waste. When we purify our desires, and reach out to Truth—even if we’ve reached rock bottom—we naturally find healing. I learned that’s where the power to heal truly lies—in our desire to see the truth. And that’s what woke me up that night.
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I would like to know if you have a forward this email option for blog articles?
It’s a feature we will be integrating into the upcoming version of tmcyouth.com
This article is also on spirituality.com–you can email it to a friend from there
I really appreciated this article. Not only was it well written and engaging, but it is incredibly sincere and touching. I got a lot out of this testimony - it shows that no matter WHAT we do, we are continually loved and guided toward God, even in moments when we may seemingly be clouded in thought. Thanks so much!