Matthew Cocks - The Christian Science Journal, March 2008
I have always believed there is a God, or I suppose at least sensed that there’s something more than ourselves. But as I grew up, I developed the belief of a punishing God. I was quite scared of God actually. On one hand, I had the feeling that God was on my side, but on the other hand, that bad stuff would happen if I did anything wrong. It has been only in this past year (four years after learning about Christian Science) that I have gotten over this idea of a punishing God. It’s still something I work at really’understanding that God loves unconditionally, like a mother or a father. I kind of always knew that in theory, but in practice, I’d be fearful and worry about being punished. I’m still progressing in my understanding of the depth of God’s unconditional love.
My family has always been very active in our local Church of England parish, and when I was younger I went to Sunday School and participated in the youth activities there. I also read the Bible on my own, and I felt everything in it was true in some way. Quite early on—at ten or so—I remember moments of strong divine inspiration that were generally associated with nature and the cosmos. These inspirations about God happened to me a few times.
One Easter a few years ago, at my parents’ home in Birmingham, I got one of those strong inspirations again and felt I wanted to find the truth about the universe. I had already been reading a slightly off-beat book about alchemy, which had got me thinking about spiritual truth and power. That morning I went down to the local public library and went through the science books. But none of them looked like what I was after. Next I went to the religious section, because somehow I felt that truth bridged the scientific and the spiritual.
I got out two books from the library—another book about alchemy and a fairly well-worn book called Science and Health. The alchemy book didn’t really interest me when I skimmed it, so I started reading Science and Health. Right from the start, I was gripped by the idea of being able to heal the sick through God. When I was younger I remember imagining myself one day having such a knowledge and trust that God exists that I could do the types of things Jesus did. I felt that if God existed, it must be possible to perform “supernatural” acts like those in the Bible by continually working with God until you have such a trust in His presence that you have no doubt that you could do them. Jesus said that if you have faith the size of a mustard seed you can move a mountain (see Matt. 17:20), and that was a passage in the Bible that particularly took my interest. I just didn’t know how to get to this point.
So reading Science and Health was very exciting. I felt strongly that this book stated the truth. I read the book through to the end two more times, spent the next two or three years thinking about what it said, and couldn’t find fault in it. I also felt that somehow God had led me to this book. Yet, it wasn’t until I started reading the Journal and Christian Science Sentinel magazines (about six months after picking up Science and Health) that I began to understand how to put the Science into practice. When I read stories of how other people practiced it, I thought, Oh, that’s really quite simple. However, it was through taking Christian Science class instruction about a year and a half ago that really confirmed for me how it is practiced most effectively.
Having started reading Science and Health, I was really keen to talk to people about the ideas in the book, and shortly after, I unexpectedly found a Christian Science church in Liverpool. After attending a Sunday service, I felt that this was the church I wanted to go to and kept attending. About two or three years ago, I joined the church and have served as an usher and in other capacities. A few months ago, I started teaching a Sunday School class.
Since finding Christian Science, I’ve had lots of opportunities to apply its universal truths, especially to my academic work. For instance, I had always felt I was bright enough, but just a mediocre student based on my grades. And I thought that I couldn’t really get beyond that. But I’ve since realized that there’s only one Mind [God] and that Mind is infinite intelligence. Secondly, this Mind provides the ideas we need, and so there’s no limit to our intelligence. It doesn’t necessarily mean we instantly become Nobel scholars, but we don’t need to limit our capabilities. Praying from this spiritual basis helped me a lot. My schoolwork just took off, and my grades went up.
I remember one case in the third year of my master’s degree, I had to write an essay on the theory behind city planning. I prayed throughout writing the essay with this idea about God being the source of my intelligence, and was very inspired. When the marks came back, my grade was particularly high—the highest one I’d ever received in the course. Based on that essay, the professor recommended me for the PhD program that I’m enrolled in today.
Church has always been a part of my life, and it continues to be so. I like the sense of community that church offers. It’s often a source of strength when people are going through difficult times. Ultimately, I think the purpose of church is to reach out and be there for people to help them know God and themselves. I think that what the Christian Science church can offer in particular is the power of prayer. When I used to pray, it was a prayer of faith, but it didn’t necessarily have conviction. But when you understand who God is and the way prayer works—and that it will work—prayer has the potential to make a positive influence for good in the community.
About a year ago, a few of us at our church in Liverpool set up a prayer group to address issues in our city. Liverpool, according to national statistics, is the most deprived area of the country and has the highest level of poverty in England. Our group would meet regularly and pick a specific issue, such as poverty, that needed to be healed in our community. We’d pray about it individually and specifically, and then get together and share our thoughts and prayers with one another.
I was just reading the definition of church again in Science and Health. Mary Baker Eddy wrote, “The Church is that institution, which affords proof of its utility . . . .” An institution, I suppose, through which the Truth shines its spiritual light into the community and the world. She also defined church, in part, as “The structure of Truth and Love . . .” (p. 583). That reminds me of a hymn in the Christian Science Hymnal that says, “Make channels for the streams of Love, / Where they may broadly run” (No. 182). I’ve definitely found that church is one of the major channels for this Love.
TCSJ
Matthew Cocks is a second-year student in a PhD program in city planning at the University of Liverpool.
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