Roger Gordon - Christian Science Sentinel, July 24–31, 2006
We were freshman roommates-and we were complete opposites. Dave drank all the time. I never touched alcohol. Dave played poker as if it were a way of life. I didn’t gamble, and still don’t. Dave went to sleep at 4 a.m. I liked to turn in by midnight. He never mentioned God. I went to church twice a week.I suppose a university with 36,000 students doesn’t have the time to match every single person with the ideal roommate. The housing form I filled out asked only one question: Do you smoke?
Dave (not his real name) didn’t smoke, but he did drink. A lot. And while this bothered me on a personal level, it also had a real impact on our day-to-day living together.
One morning, I woke up to find Dave had thrown up in the middle of the night after he came home drunk. It was a mess.
The school had a policy against drinking, but I didn’t want to make Dave into an enemy by reporting him. That was also partly why I didn’t try to change rooms. What would I tell him? “Your drinking is driving me crazy, so I’m moving out”? I didn’t think so. Besides, other students who’d tried to change rooms hadn’t been able to do so-there was no space available. When I found this out, I was grateful that I at least had a place to stay.
Dave had other habits that annoyed me, too-like the bright glow of his computer that kept me awake at night, or the way he left his clothes strewn all over the room.
One night, my annoyance reached a peak. He was working on his computer for most of the night, and it lit up the whole room. I was really tired, but sleep evaded me. I cursed Dave in my head.
But then I noticed the mistake I was making. I wasn’t seeing Dave as someone I could relate to. And I wasn’t seeing him as a good person who was just as connected to God as I was.
Since I didn’t feel comfortable talking to him about our differences, I reached out to God.
I think of God as the divine connector. God is what enables me to connect with other people. God is what allows me to see the humor in someone else’s joke. God provides the intelligence behind every good idea. Everyone is connected to goodness-including Dave. What a concept! In God’s eyes, we are both loved and unique, so our differences ultimately shouldn’t prevent us from living happily together.
My prayers helped me realize I was judging Dave. I needed to get rid of my holier-than-thou attitude. I had to see his good side. Simple-but not easy.
As I lay there trying to sleep, I looked over at Dave’s wall, which was covered with drawings he’d done of the Beatles. At 3 a.m., I was noticing these drawings for the first time. What I saw dissolved my anger. I appreciated the great detail in the drawings that brought each musician to life. Makes sense-he was an art major. Suddenly, I realized he expressed a lot of creativity and talent, qualities I believe come from God. I finally saw Dave’s good, Godlike nature. And when I did, I fell asleep-even though Dave’s computer still lit up the room.
My new appreciation helped me come to terms with my frustration when he drank too much. I can’t say my attitude instantly changed, but the next time he stumbled drunkenly back to our room, I remembered to look over at his drawings and think about his divine capacity for creativity. That soothed my irritation. And soon I felt calm.
After that, Dave and I shared some special moments. Like the time he invited me to view a short clip of his favorite TV show, Family Guy. It’s never been a favorite of mine, but we ended up watching the entire episode and cracking up the whole way through.
Life between us didn’t become totally perfect, but the improvement was enough to make the rest of our year tolerable-even sometimes enjoyable. At the end of the year, Dave thanked me for being “the most perfect roommate imaginable.” You can imagine my surprise! And even though I had had a challenging year with Dave, I felt I could return the compliment.
I have Dave to thank for helping me to be less judgmental and more open to seeing God’s goodness in everyone. The night I saw Dave’s drawings, I caught a glimpse of his spiritual perfection-God’s infinite love ended up connecting us both.
December 14th, 2006 at 1:45 am
I really enjoyed reading this article–I can relate in some ways to the roommate situation freshman year, except my roommate did not drink at all, which was one of the strongest ideals we had in common, but aside from that, her and I were pretty much complete opposites. And like you said, as I started to look for and see her God-like qualities, things improved gradually and then became smooth by the end of the year. I remember helping her move out the last day of the year, and she gave me a hug and thanked me for being “the best roommate.” I remember her mother saying something like, “you were a perfect roommate for her” because I remember our biggest difference was that she was very messy (clothes strewn across the floor) and I was very neat and organized.
Thank you again for sharing this article–it reminded me of how my faith in God led me to see the Truth in that particular situation, and it continues to now and it will in the future.
Lovingly,
Jaimie
April 24th, 2007 at 3:01 am
Thanks for a lovely article Roger. A friend of mine is going through the same challenge as you and I have just e-mailed your article to her I know that it will be of great help!