I see the world with new eyes

Jyoti Bajaj - The Christian Science Journal, Oct. 2007

My life changed after I came to know Christian Science two years ago when one of my neighborhood friends told me about Science and Health. After I began reading the book, I came out of my problems one by one, and I experienced lots of blessings.

At the time, I was suffering from a very bad throat condition that would become even more painful with the intake of food containing preservatives and oil. I had consulted many physicians and taken medication, but relief was always temporary. I had also fallen into a depression because of my past. In fifth grade I met with an accident at school. A car hit me just as I got off the school bus, and I was in the emergency room in hospital for many days. I became so shy, as I got lots of injuries on my face that used to embarrass me, including loss of some front teeth. Then, when I became old enough to drive, I had lots of fears regarding accidents.

Another reason for the depression was my relationship with my family. I’m adopted (which I’ve known about from the beginning), and I’d always felt that I had two mothers and two fathers—one set of parents who loved me a lot and another who hated me a lot. When my mother gave birth to me, I was her fifth daughter. My birth parents didn’t have any sons (sons are very important to Indian families because they are supposed to take care of their parents when they are older), so on my 12th day in this world, they gave me to my uncle—my father’s elder brother—and his wife, who lived close by, in exchange for the youngest of their four sons. After I came to live with my aunt and uncle they adopted me, so I call them my parents. Even though I knew they loved me, I felt that no one really wanted me. I would think, What’s the purpose of my life? Why am I living? There’s no need of me.

The depression reached its height when I had a misunderstanding with a close friend. Because of my oversensitive nature and lack of purpose, I had no desire to live, and I tried to commit suicide by taking more than 40 sleeping pills. But instead, I lived.

I had just moved to a new sector of Chandigarh with my family when a neighbor boy, who saw my suffering, asked me to come with him to a Sunday service at the Christian Science Society. I agreed. I had been born and raised in a Hindu family and had learned many stories in the Ramayana (Hindu scripture), but I had no idea about the teachings in the Bible. Once in school I had read a few lines from the Sermon on the Mount in a chapter in my English literature book. I remember it really touched me, and I was curious about Jesus’ teachings.

At the Christian Science Society in Chandigarh, my friend introduced me to his Sunday School teacher, a Christian Science practitioner. I asked her a lot of questions: “Why are we living?” “Why do we have this life?” She answered me so calmly, so patiently. She cleared up every question I had.

I decided to begin attending the Sunday services regularly. I also asked for help from the practitioner. She agreed to pray for me and explained how I could pray for myself. It wasn’t easy. But I persisted with the outpouring of love from her. She told me that the past doesn’t belong to me, because that’s part of the dream of mortal history. In reality, I have only a spiritual history, and an accident—never caused by God or known to Him—was never included in this history. All of us are always secure in God’s love. Now I’m confident about driving. Although I do not have a car of my own, I drive a two-wheeler [motor scooter], and I go for car rides up hills fearlessly with my brothers and friends.

Thanks to Christian Science, I also got a sense of purpose. The main thing I realized was that I’m the daughter of God and that He has a good plan for each of us. I just need to follow that plan and do His will. That is my purpose in life. The practitioner helped me understand that my real father and mother is my Father-Mother God. Now I understand that I don’t have a number of fathers and mothers in my life, all with different opinions and feelings. I have just one relationship—with God. I am very happy about this!

Within a month after I went to that first service, I came out of the depression completely and expressed my gratitude for this healing at the Society during their November Thanksgiving service. By then I had sufficient trust in God to rely on Him completely for healing of the throat condition. As a place to start in my prayers, the practitioner guided me to the following lines from Science and Health:

“Jesus never taught that drugs, food, air, and exercise could make a man healthy, or that they could destroy human life; nor did he illustrate these errors by his practice. He referred man’s harmony to Mind, not to matter, and never tried to make of none effect the sentence of God, which sealed God’s condemnation of sin, sickness, and death” (p. 232).

The practitioner explained that since all power belongs to God, there can’t be any power in food, with or without preservatives. With her help, I began to also understand that man (the generic term that also includes woman) is purely spiritual, and that matter can’t dominate our spiritual selfhood. While I was sticking to this truth, I realized after a few days that there was no more pain in my throat. And now I have no more fear about preservatives in food. What freedom!

After a few months I was very happy when my neighbor friend asked me if I would like to accompany him to a Christian Science lecture. The topic, “Healing is Your Birthright,” strengthened my trust that in the Church of Christ, Scientist, we not only explore what life is, we heal all kinds of problems by trusting God. After the lecture, I started following Christian Science with more commitment and began reading the weekly Bible Lessons regularly.

One Wednesday I asked my friends in my violin class whether they would like to accompany me to the testimony meeting at the Society that evening. Three of us went with violins in our hands and enjoyed the accounts of healing that people shared. After the meeting, the First Reader asked if I would like to play the violin at the Sunday services as there was no organist. I said Yes! at that very instant. She got the proposal approved by the Society’s Executive Board, and for the last year I’ve been playing the violin regularly. Practice sessions with the First and Second Readers and the soloist are full of inspiration, love, and joy.

But that wasn’t the end of the good I received from God. Now my relationships with my birth parents and my adopted parents and their sons (my “brothers”) are harmonious. This happened as a result of constant prayer, which gradually changed my thinking about my family. Now I see all of them as a reflection of my Father-Mother God, who cannot be less than loving. I started enjoying my life and expecting less and less from human relationships. Recently, I met my birth mother at a family function and had the inspiration to hug her—and she reciprocated, which had not been the case in the past.

In the same manner, I used to feel that my adopted mother did not have fun with me. But last year when we all went to a picnic spot and all the double seats in the swing were full with my nephews and nieces, my adopted mother offered to sit on the swing with me to give me company, which made me shed tears of joy. We are good friends now. My brothers and sisters-
in-law also reciprocate my affection.

The truths I learn from the weekly Bible Lessons as well as from the inspiring articles on spirituality.com and the Sunday services and Wednesday testimony meetings help me grow out of the beliefs in material fasting, and in the power of the stars to govern our lives. I’ve also learned to overcome my previously oversensitive nature and the tendency to be burdened by other people’s thoughts.

Today I see the world with new eyes, and I am deeply thankful to God for this spiritual rebirth. TCSJ

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