Avery (Poindexter) Sander - Adapted from The Christian Science Journal, July 2007.
About three years ago, I had the opportunity to backpack across a beautiful mountain range in New Mexico with six other young women at Philmont Scout Ranch. We had been grouped together for an expedition offered by Philmont through a unique Venture Scouting BSA (Boy Scouts of America) program. The motto: “Expect the unexpected.” We covered about 200 miles in 21 days, and our group got along fabulously.
The biggest challenge occurred on the day we planned to peak Mt. Baldy in New Mexico at 12,441 feet. As we began hiking, a storm raged, lasting most of the day. About 50 yards from the peak, we could see lightning strikes all around us. We were at a point where we had to press on and continue without peaking the mountain, so we had to hike off the trail, traversing the ridge around the peak. Under these severe weather conditions, we had no other choice. It took us close to six hours to traverse the mountain, whereas peaking it would have taken ten minutes. We all feared for our lives. The terrain was gravel-like rock and extremely steep and slippery all the way around the mountain.
Our trip leaders half-jokingly told us to pray. But I took them seriously and was glad for the reminder. I remembered this Psalm, “The Lord shall preserve thy going out and thy coming in from this time forth, and even for evermore” (Psalms 121:8). As I prayed with this comforting Scripture in mind, I could feel the fear lift from me, and I knew we were all united and protected by our common source—God. We began singing and tried to keep each others’ spirits high, until we arrived safely at the trail on the other side.
The memory of this hiking experience has gotten me through so many tough wilderness challenges: month-long backpacking trips, climbing trips, getting lost in unfamiliar terrain, and even encountering unexpected lightning and snowstorms. While these experiences were challenges, knowing I could rely on God has turned me into an almost fearless outdoorswoman.
It’s ironic then that my most fearful experience to date occurred last summer while I was working at a Christian Science camp. I couldn’t imagine a better summer than combining some of my very favorite things: children, the wilderness, and Christian Science. But I experienced a fear that made something as simple as jumping off a diving board seem almost impossible. Here I was with my great resume, able to lead groups of men on backpacking excursions, and I couldn’t bring myself to feel safe in a swimming pool. What was I afraid of? It was just a generalized, unfocused fear that seemed to be paralyzing me. The fear seemed to manifest itself in every direction. I couldn’t go one day without talking to my mother. I feared that my relationship with my boyfriend, who was at another camp, was going to end. The main fear, however, was that camp wasn’t the right place for me that summer. I felt like I didn’t recognize myself. I know myself to be confident, certain, and fearless. But all I could feel was a sense of insecurity in everything that had always comforted me, such as the weekly Bible Lesson and my friends.
I awoke one morning to the idea that this insecure feeling was nothing more than fear itself. There was so much love expressed at camp by campers and staff. So much good going on. So much healing. I couldn’t ignore how silly this fear was. Suddenly, I just laughed at it. This was the beginning of a huge breakthrough.
All morning I had Hymn 359 from the Christian Science Hymnal stuck in my head. It begins, “Trust the Eternal when the shadows gather.” This simple idea was so powerful. I could see that even though I felt uncomfortable and insecure, I could rest assured that God was caring for me. Trusting wasn’t always easy to do, especially when at times all I wanted to do was leave camp.
Sometimes it takes spiritual toughness and discipline to overcome fear. You have to vigorously challenge what the physical senses tell you (for example, that you’re sick or afraid), and then stick with what you know is spiritually true. In fact, the truth was that I didn’t have to go somewhere else to be in the “right” place—to feel secure and happy. God loved me and was always at work on my behalf. He had already put me in the right place.
A line from the last verse from Hymn 359 says, “Trust the Eternal, and repent in meekness.” I realized that to move forward, we have to be meek—to set aside our human plans—and trust that God’s plans for us are good. I also prayed with a lot of great ideas from an article called “God’s Law of Adjustment,” by Adam H. Dickey (Journal, January 1916, Vol. 33, p. 559). He wrote about the importance of aligning our thoughts with God when we face a troubling situation. We do this by simply listening to hear God’s “still small voice,” and then being humble and obedient to His will. This quells our anxiety about the “rightness” of a situation and through divine law adjusts whatever is wrong. I realized that being in the right place is not a matter of geography, the people around us, or even a warm, fuzzy feeling. It’s a matter of being in the right place in human consciousness. Despite where we are, what we’re feeling, or what’s happening around us, we can always know that God has paved a good way for us and that we are walking in it. These ideas bucked me up, and I was able to finish camp as director of the wilderness program.
As I worked my way through the summer trusting God, “the Eternal,” all the fears I felt involving my boyfriend immediately lifted. And when we reunited after summer camp, our relationship was as strong as ever. There had never been any truth to that fear of our relationship ending, and we are still together.
When I went home, I continued to reflect on that summer camp experience. It somehow bothered me that I still couldn’t pinpoint the source of the fear. Then I realized that I had been asking myself a trick question, because fear never has a source or a reason to be. All fear is simply the belief that we can be separated from divine Love, or God, when, in fact, we can’t. If God is everywhere—and He is—that means we can only feel and experience this Love—not fear. When we see this, we are well-equipped to challenge fear and to dismiss it from thought. We aren’t tempted to make it into something it’s not by trying to find a reason for it. These thoughts have been a big help to me during the past year.
Of course, since camp I’ve faced other challenges, but that summer I found the spiritual tools to deal more effectively with whatever comes up. And I still love that idea—”Trust the Eternal.”
Avery (Poindexter) Sander recently graduated from Principia
College.
